Movie and TV jokes

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Q: How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie?
A: She's the one sleeping with the writer.

Rating: 3.4 |

Q: How many screenwriters to make "Titanic" a good movie?
A: One more than they had.

Rating: 3.2 |

After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house.

Explaining who he was he asks "What happened?"

"Well," one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground."

The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief... "My agent came to my house?"

Rating: 2.6 |

After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house.

Explaining who he was he asks "What happened?"

"Well," one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground."

The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief... "My agent came to my house?"

Rating: 2.4 |

After a venerable career of endless, stellar successes the greatest director who ever lived is in his prime and preparing for his most ambitious project ever when he unexpectedly dies and is called home to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate.

"So sorry about your untimely death," he tells the director. "But God himself has called you home. You see, God wants you to direct a movie for Him."

The great man is humbled, "God wants ME to direct a film?"

"Yes," St. Peter tells him. "And we've arranged to have the best of everything made available to you. For example, the script is by William Shakespeare."

The director is stunned, "An original screenplay by William Shakespeare?"

"Yes," St. Peter assures him, "And it's his greatest work ever."

"Wow!" says the Director, awe struck.

"Your Production Designer will be Michaelangelo. We've got Leonardo Da Vinci doing the sets, your musical score will be an original work by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and your cast includes a young Laurence Olivier and the greatest actors of all time in supporting roles."

The Director can't believe it. "This is incredible," he says. "This will be the greatest movie ever?"

St. Peter kind of shuffles his feet. "Well," he says, "we do have one tiny little problem."

"Problem?" says the director. "What kind of a problem?"

St. Peter puts his arm around the director's shoulder, "Ya see," he whispers, "God's got this girlfriend..."

Rating: 3.0 |

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